Its been the first post in this blog that I am writing which is quite lengthy.*just kidding not that too , do have a read*
Date : 24Th may 2012
Day : Thursday
5:30pm*typing sms*
to apeksha: hey m goin for an art event here in fort ... very excited about it .. kaash tu aa sakti :P
5:33pm
apeksha in reply:yaa re i did wntd to cum .. but kya re tu ekdum vactn mein bhi padhai nd awl.. :P whn you come do tell me wat did u did .. btw m wid my frnd nitu over here :D
5:37pm
Me: ohhh .. nitu aree teri bst frnd na .. its been long na you both had met. :) ill ''call''you whn i shall leave frm the event ..... *we hardly called each other most or daily of our conversations had been over txt msgs or thru fb only **so whenever i used to say i would call , i used to get very excited*
5:38pm
Me: aaj gaya toh marine drive bhi jaunga raat ko while coming... :P .. kya re .. i wnt you to take der once during the evening .. i felt pure heaven whn the last tym i visited .. :D
5:40pm
apeksha :hmm zarror(sure)
5:43pm
me:chal re mein teko baad me call hi karunga .. and will tell you wat awll ws der ..:) *I told her in excitement*
5:45pm
apeksha: hmm ya sure thng :)
As i kept the conversation to an end for the evening , listening the songs through headphones i was bit of blushing in the train all the while.The man sitting in front of me starred in a expression of question.but then it didn't mattered .I reached the fort met the friend , we had glass of tea as well as a sandwich to munch for.
It was 7 by then and the lecture was about to start . It was a lecture by an Indian artist 'baiju parthan'.
The lecture room was in fact a conference room i guess much small in space for accommodation of 50 people at a time.All the people present over there had been those typical page 3 type of personalities that we seen and hear about.
.How art fanatic they were beneath , i had no idea . But over all appearance did gave a feel of 'truly an artist'. wearing Kurtis , language that of sophistication involved in it.In fact there is way difference between having manners and being sophisticate. sophistication has an attestation. You decide to be sophisticate.
sophistication is not as being mannered.
Between the lecture a txt from apeksha pooped in my cell.
8:05pm
apeksha kya kar rahe hoo ?? (wssup)
8:07pm
Me: im in the lecture .. :)
8:10pm
apeksha: hmm thike .. will talk later on then.
time passed by . the lecture was good enough .but then it was just very tough to intake , hard to ingest , and most difficult to digest. The terminologies they were talking about seemed to be a high dose for us.But then it was indeed a good lecture.A glass half filled .
It was 9:30pm by then, we were in train .On the way home.There was not much to speak about , in fact we had not been to marine drive even.But then there were so much of small things to mention for . I just couldn't stop myself but texted apeksha .
9:35pm
Me: hey i m train now .. just abhi i left frm der .. :D :D
9:37pm
apeksha: toh mein kya karu .. :P (what do i do then)
9:39pm
Me: ok .. i thought you might be excited about listening .. anyways .. but tere reply se laga nai .. :/ :P
9:40pm
apeksha : aree sry re i dint meant dat ..
9:41pm
Me: OK
9:44pm
apeksha: so wat happened there ??
9:47pm
Me:there was this lecture .. very high fi in a true sense .. :P *i didn't wrote further with a slight notion of ending the conversation*
9:50pm
apeksha: so u wer excited about telling only this much .. ?? :|
9:51pm
Me: umm .. also i bought new round glares :D .. :P can we talk later on kya .. i shall call you ..
*by that time i really had no intentions of taking conversation to next level also i was not wanting to call her*
(In-fact for a matter I didn't even know that I really liked apeksha or not .but then the whole thing was so seeming to be force fully done.Like texting her, but then having a little of scope for a reply in true positive sense.It was just that we were only being 'Good friends'.Taking a step ahead from that to a totally next level and trying to confess whats really in mind was just visibly so forceful to me.)
9:54pm
apeksha: so was only this much . you wanted to talk about .. :P pagal hai tu :D: P
Me: hmm okk (willing not to speak more)
By the time me and amey reached home.we went by auto, and all the time i was just thinking that should i call her or not.*I did had lot of balance in sim, so that was not a thing to worry for.*
10:10pm
i went to an another room to call her . My state of mind was just ecstatic.But I still felt that forceful attempt to fall in love was barricading me somewhere.
10:15pm
I made my mind , to stop all messaging from my side . If ever any text come from here way ,I shall reply it to as short as possible and let our relation stay as friends forever. Because indeed it was even her side who was not wanting to have love or anything of that sort.And if my confessions lead to any sort of misunderstanding among us then i was not hoping for that either.
With no further thinking i was just lying on my bed about to sleep.
But then just txt msg appeared :
11:57pm
Apeksha: hey ol aa naaa .. :D :D
Me: ok w8 :)
*just an hour before i was hoping that i would no longer talk much with her.And i readily said ok wait .I was sure I like her . Liked her a lot .I quickly got up from my bend .*
*ting ting ti di ting *(i still got a windows xp ) :P
Facebook chat begins :
Me: see only bcos u said i have come ol :P
apeksha : :)
Me: abhi kya karneka ??
apeksha : kuch nai
baat karne ka
aur kya
Me: ok
apeksha : have i disturbed you
matlab neend aarai teko ??
Me: no not at all ... was just listening songs ..
apeksha : hmmmm .. radio ?? :P
Me:yaa :D *this radio was the thing which was bit unusual and we always did listen mostly 107.10 playing old Hindi classics*
apeksha : change your dp :P
Me: pagal or wat .. 45 likes hai usko ;) :P
Me: abhi shayd woh round waale glares ka dp hi dallunga taken with my new DSLR :D
apeksha:DSLR kabhi le raha hai ??
Me: hai ek special day .. :P
apeksha : your bday :P
Me:hey u remember . meko laga you might had forgetton :P
apeksha: nopes yaar .. :)
Me: think ??
apeksha: what think ??
Me : If m making a short film .. will you act in it ?? :P
apeksha: naaiiiiiiiiii :P
meko sharam aatai :P
ahahahahaa
Me : bass kay dude :P (you will do like this na )
apeksha : mala sharam aatai ( i feel shy)
hahaha
i am bad at Marathi :P
Apeksha: aaj ghar pe koi nai hai :P :D(no ones at home today)
Me: hmm *fap fap fap* na seeing porn hmmmm :P :P
apeksha : lol mad o wat .. :P and it should be *slap slap slap*
(the conversation was going well enough , we spoke of HIMYM topics here and there ,giggled over the chat.then there was a pause for a while.By that time I had forgotten all the forceful un forceful theories of mine)
Me: u there ??
what else are you doing ??
apeksha : nothing re bored alone .. having a chat with my brother. He stays abroad. just a formal chat.
what are you doing ??
Me: nothing just having a conversation with you only :P
this riju is also your brother na ??*i wrote with bit of inquisitive in my mind*
( rijudas(riju) mutual friend between me and apeksha . He was very close to her , i guess.They both come to college together by train go together by train.Even a few people in the college did teased them both being love mates of each other . I didn't believed in that and thought this of a shit . But then somewhere close I did thought riju liked her and they both did made a good couple. In fact riju's call log everyday had apeksha's name. So there was a scope for suspicion.But then i did believed in apeksha much than other people,than riju)
apeksha: no noo ..
adi is my brother
itne saree bhai hai mere toh bahar bahi kyun banau :P ( there is no need of making brother else around when i have real ones with me)
apeksha : riju is just a good friend of mine re .. :)
Me: is he only your friend ?? * i asked in sarcasm*
apeksha: now you are also taking like the rest. :/ (the rest means the friend who linked her with riju)
Me: :/
apeksha :|
Me: i was kidding re baccha :P
apeksha : leave it yaar :/
(A bit of silence roamed in the chat box with continuous opening and closing of the chat window hoping the other person writes something . Just then )
Apeksha : nidhi desai online :P
( Nidhi desai was the girl for whom i had infatuation for a longer time when i newly came to this college .But then her guy seemed so over possessive, that i didn't felt much interest in her. In fact her appeal and over all emotional balance also seemed imperfect , when she was going through a bad phase in her love life.also apeksha knew that i didn't liked her , but then just a matter of fun and giggling around she did teased me at times in front of nidhi and when she was around)
Me: its her bf :/
Apeksha : so what .. you can still talk with her
Me: aree madoo uska bf ne login kiya hai frm her account :P (her bf had logged in through her account)
Apeksha: ohh okk .. those people are really mad :P
Me: I purposely ended our conversation while we were texting .
* i thought at least this time apeksha shall come to know, what i really felt for her .How enthusiastic i was when i messaged her .And her lowered interest in me made me feel really bad.But i dint think she might had got any notions or something of that sort)
Apeksha: ya i knw :|
Apeksha : Also I was chatting with Neel .
( Neel was another guy from our college who had deep crush on apeksha.and the whole gang of Neel's group rumored that apeksha and Neel had somethings cooking.But then apeksah had been very transparent with me about this topic and said there was nothing cooking as such.)
Me: I was about to ask you that .. but i then thought you might not be talking with Neel now .
Apeksha: What happened then , He's my freind .. :)
Me: Yaa but then its soo late night ..
Apeksha : so what .. if he's online we can talk a bit na ..
Me: okk
Apeksha : who said that we cannot have a talk with friend with late night ??
offline ?? *she thought i had been offline but then it was my internet error *
Me: I am online only .. fucking net .. yaa you can have a chat but m asking why ?? :P
Apeksha: there is no as such time specified wherein i can talk with my friends .. we can share things have a good chat if it makes us feel better :)
Me: waah kya baat hai .. *in agreement* :)
Apeksha : you making fun of me na :/
Me : nopes
Apeksha : teko samjha na what i m trying to tell ..
Me: sab samjha ...
Apeksha : or else you mistaking me .. :P
If there are any issues like that , then do tell me .. :)
Me: what mistaking .. be specific :P
Apeksha : mistaking means mistaking
No other word for it ..
Me: ok
Apeksha: what OK .. i asked you something .. :/
Me : when did you asked .. :P
Apeksha : OK leave it yaar ..
Me : Mistakes are always of a sacred nature . never try to correct them .On the contrary understand them thoroughly . after that it will be possible for you to sublimate them .
- Salvador dali ...
Apeksha: Is it some way quoted for me .. ??
* i really was not searching any quotes for her .but was really searching for Dali .And its an unending process.*
Me: was just surfing through some quotes of Dali .. :P ( stopped it there not taking it to a level further )
( A long pause therein again )
Me: jao soo jao .. ( go off to bed) :)
Apeksha : M taking with nikita :P
apni soch badlo :P (change your approach)
Me: You dont know people :P
Apeksha : means ?? I have that much sense of judging people .. :)
Me: :D :P i know re i was just kidding you .. its great fun to tease you purpose fully at times :P
Apeksha : lol .. you put me into tension re :P
bass re abhi :P
Me : you know I was not goin to have a talk with you from tommorow .. :P
Apeksha : why ??
Me: like that only ( a lame reply though and being totally kiddish )
( it was in fact the same question that was haunting me , being into a forceful conversation or adding someone to be closely acquainted with you forcefully)
Apeksha : pagal hai tu ( you are mad) :P
Me: The only difference between a madman and me is that I am not mad .
- Salvador Dali :P
Me : there is a reason , but i wont tell you . *the reason was same that's been haunting since long* .
Apeksha : tell me whats that ?? :P
Me : nopes :P
Apeksha :I was taking with other people late night , was that the reason ??
( how could I tell that , i liked her a lot .from the time we had been daily into conversations.somewhere at some point a speed breaker was consistently halting or stopping me.Was it the fear not being friends after the confession and getting a rejection ?Whatever the reason maybe but it was disturbing my static state of mind a lot.)
Me: no idea * i said and again rejected the truth behind*
Apeksha : no please tell me .. i dont like all this .. i wont feel bad even :)
Me: any time later .. for sure :)
for sure :)
Apeksha : then leave .. dont talk till then .. :/
Me: aree no now its the time to sleep naah so i was not telling you :P * i could not defend myself much better*
Apeksha : by telling me half way , i shall not be able to have a sleep :/
Me : :P
Apeksha : please let me know what you taking about ... :/ :(
( I logged out out my account. but then doing that would have added much more questions again in her mind and lot of misunderstandings.i could not stop myself but had to call her and tell her what the whole matter was in reality .Orelse it would had been tough for both of us living with this random questions.I guess even she had a few questions to ask for.I made a call to her .)
the call tune was ringing .. still ringing ..
''Hello'' .. i said with bit of stern in my vocals .Very confident speech.
''Hello .. why did you called me .. ??'' soo late that too !!
Her voice did had curiosity in it . I replied her that,'' listen can you meet me now .. ??''
''NOW ... ??'' she questioned .'' Do you have any idea whats the time right now .. ?''she added.
''Yeah i do its 1:45 .. and I even know what I am about to do ..''
''NOO ..'' was her instant reply by then ..
*I think she was kind of fearful ... as of considering me to be turned out into a madman raping her in the night*
I said,'' its urgent .please try to understand .''. with plead .
she sensed my voice and readily said, '' yes ''.But i can only meet you at my door step and then you have to walk by.
I said , ''aree I am not goin to rape you maam. i will be there with my scotty as fast as possible.''
''yea i know that ... sambhaleke chala pagal ..'' , she said with an affection.That was indeed what was possibly to be on my side, i guessed.
I with utmost silence got out from my house.There were no worries as my grandmother and I had only been living for that night.
I took the scooty as well as the keys of my home. Here place was just near the station and it took me just 4mins 20 secs to be there,Below her apartments.I climbed the stairs gathering all the courage as it was my very first attempt and that too so big indeed.
*Ting tong*
I rang the bell , a typical bell.
She opened the door ...
freak mujhe laga nai tha you would come in reality .. she said while opening the metal guard door.
So kya kehna tha .. what did you want to say ..
saliva gulping down my throat .holding my goti beard with the thumb as well as index finger . I said
ummm .. that umm repeated for 4-5 seconds
I LOVE YOU .. with a direct transition in my expression as well as vocal tone.
she said,
I am amazed , not that you confessed love to me but that you said me in this janam only.
I smiled . she winked.she seemed to be happy , i could see in her eyes.
But there was still a doubt the process had not been complete yet . Me saying I love you was not enough.
Indeed she too had to have similar approach towards me.
I said , Whats you reply apeksha .. ?? don't you love me .. ??
Spending seconds of time time . Leaning her face down a bit . Taking her hands over her hairs as she always had a habit to do so.
''NO'', she said.
My jaws of face directly touching the ground wide open.I was astonished by her reply.
I asked , ''why ?"
She said,'' I need some time to think upon .. Its easy for you guys to take the scooty late night .roam through the streets and come at the girls house when she is alone .And confess there love to them.I need some time to think upon>I just need some time. As she completed , she smiled.
Not mentioning any days neither mentioning weeks nor mentioning years i said , I gave you the time.
''I wont disappoint you '' , she said as i finished .
There was a long pause , we just kept looking at each others eyes without a blink . the silence was to be felt. And somewhere the song '' aakhon hi aankhon mein ishaara ho gaya"' was been played.In our minds, In our senses don't know exactly but we both could really feel the lyrics of it.I was completely paralyzed by her sight and so was she, the effect of song was adding more essence to it .
Just then she said ,
Can you kiss me .. ? With nothing more to speak about I leaned myself towards herself .She had completely surrendered herself by now.Our lips locked among themselves by then, like the lego blocks.I was numbed. It was indeed way better than having a couple of hookah puffs or drinks with friends.It was calm, serene .It lasted for around 25- 30 seconds.
As we took off our lips off, i just realized that i had experienced frist kiss of my life.And i had made no mistakes while doing so.Like a boss.Very special though.
I taking no further time waved by to apeksha.She smiled, she did told she wanted time to think upon.But then the kiss was the pre answer to it .I just strolled by my scotty.Opened the door in a much sensitive way as compared to the way I had left.came in my bedroom.Plugged in the headphone into my ears and listened all the love songs by that night.Love was in the air.
There was very less chances wherein apeksha would say no to me after thinking , i felt.But still if she felt I am not the right guy .i had conquered upon my beliefs. I would have the thing to rejoice for.the first kiss . That i had now kept no issues in my mind. There was a time , When i kept texting her u der ,, hey u der ol now .. ??when shall u be der ..? busy der ?? all were question marks and everything was into interrogation.But now i had surpassed all of it .I feel no regrets sharing a kiss with a girl , even though we were not into a relationship.
The thing that it taught me was , life had been all about get going.The more we think the more we get entangled.As of now all that forceful thing that kept me thinking was a sheer shit , a waste of time.
Also love is not just the gf-bf kind of thing . we can love our friends .have quality time spend. But then we got to remember there is only mono person whom we shall be spending our lives. People good at heart shall help each other. Its our decision that matters.
Also life is all about being in love many times. What if you don't get it now there's still some one better for you somewhere around, reading this shit, smiling a bit *ohh it rhymes* . All you need is to have a move on thing in you .Like a horse set in the wild fields.Rather than gluing towards cell and over fb seeking , u der ?
-prashant chavan
fiction.
U der ?
Date : 24Th may 2012
Day : Thursday
5:30pm*typing sms*
to apeksha: hey m goin for an art event here in fort ... very excited about it .. kaash tu aa sakti :P
5:33pm
apeksha in reply:yaa re i did wntd to cum .. but kya re tu ekdum vactn mein bhi padhai nd awl.. :P whn you come do tell me wat did u did .. btw m wid my frnd nitu over here :D
5:37pm
Me: ohhh .. nitu aree teri bst frnd na .. its been long na you both had met. :) ill ''call''you whn i shall leave frm the event ..... *we hardly called each other most or daily of our conversations had been over txt msgs or thru fb only **so whenever i used to say i would call , i used to get very excited*
5:38pm
Me: aaj gaya toh marine drive bhi jaunga raat ko while coming... :P .. kya re .. i wnt you to take der once during the evening .. i felt pure heaven whn the last tym i visited .. :D
5:40pm
apeksha :hmm zarror(sure)
5:43pm
me:chal re mein teko baad me call hi karunga .. and will tell you wat awll ws der ..:) *I told her in excitement*
5:45pm
apeksha: hmm ya sure thng :)
As i kept the conversation to an end for the evening , listening the songs through headphones i was bit of blushing in the train all the while.The man sitting in front of me starred in a expression of question.but then it didn't mattered .I reached the fort met the friend , we had glass of tea as well as a sandwich to munch for.
It was 7 by then and the lecture was about to start . It was a lecture by an Indian artist 'baiju parthan'.
The lecture room was in fact a conference room i guess much small in space for accommodation of 50 people at a time.All the people present over there had been those typical page 3 type of personalities that we seen and hear about.
.How art fanatic they were beneath , i had no idea . But over all appearance did gave a feel of 'truly an artist'. wearing Kurtis , language that of sophistication involved in it.In fact there is way difference between having manners and being sophisticate. sophistication has an attestation. You decide to be sophisticate.
sophistication is not as being mannered.
Between the lecture a txt from apeksha pooped in my cell.
8:05pm
apeksha kya kar rahe hoo ?? (wssup)
8:07pm
Me: im in the lecture .. :)
8:10pm
apeksha: hmm thike .. will talk later on then.
time passed by . the lecture was good enough .but then it was just very tough to intake , hard to ingest , and most difficult to digest. The terminologies they were talking about seemed to be a high dose for us.But then it was indeed a good lecture.A glass half filled .
It was 9:30pm by then, we were in train .On the way home.There was not much to speak about , in fact we had not been to marine drive even.But then there were so much of small things to mention for . I just couldn't stop myself but texted apeksha .
9:35pm
Me: hey i m train now .. just abhi i left frm der .. :D :D
9:37pm
apeksha: toh mein kya karu .. :P (what do i do then)
9:39pm
Me: ok .. i thought you might be excited about listening .. anyways .. but tere reply se laga nai .. :/ :P
9:40pm
apeksha : aree sry re i dint meant dat ..
9:41pm
Me: OK
9:44pm
apeksha: so wat happened there ??
9:47pm
Me:there was this lecture .. very high fi in a true sense .. :P *i didn't wrote further with a slight notion of ending the conversation*
9:50pm
apeksha: so u wer excited about telling only this much .. ?? :|
9:51pm
Me: umm .. also i bought new round glares :D .. :P can we talk later on kya .. i shall call you ..
*by that time i really had no intentions of taking conversation to next level also i was not wanting to call her*
(In-fact for a matter I didn't even know that I really liked apeksha or not .but then the whole thing was so seeming to be force fully done.Like texting her, but then having a little of scope for a reply in true positive sense.It was just that we were only being 'Good friends'.Taking a step ahead from that to a totally next level and trying to confess whats really in mind was just visibly so forceful to me.)
9:54pm
apeksha: so was only this much . you wanted to talk about .. :P pagal hai tu :D: P
Me: hmm okk (willing not to speak more)
By the time me and amey reached home.we went by auto, and all the time i was just thinking that should i call her or not.*I did had lot of balance in sim, so that was not a thing to worry for.*
10:10pm
i went to an another room to call her . My state of mind was just ecstatic.But I still felt that forceful attempt to fall in love was barricading me somewhere.
10:15pm
I made my mind , to stop all messaging from my side . If ever any text come from here way ,I shall reply it to as short as possible and let our relation stay as friends forever. Because indeed it was even her side who was not wanting to have love or anything of that sort.And if my confessions lead to any sort of misunderstanding among us then i was not hoping for that either.
With no further thinking i was just lying on my bed about to sleep.
But then just txt msg appeared :
11:57pm
Apeksha: hey ol aa naaa .. :D :D
Me: ok w8 :)
*just an hour before i was hoping that i would no longer talk much with her.And i readily said ok wait .I was sure I like her . Liked her a lot .I quickly got up from my bend .*
*ting ting ti di ting *(i still got a windows xp ) :P
Facebook chat begins :
Me: see only bcos u said i have come ol :P
apeksha : :)
Me: abhi kya karneka ??
apeksha : kuch nai
baat karne ka
aur kya
Me: ok
apeksha : have i disturbed you
matlab neend aarai teko ??
Me: no not at all ... was just listening songs ..
apeksha : hmmmm .. radio ?? :P
Me:yaa :D *this radio was the thing which was bit unusual and we always did listen mostly 107.10 playing old Hindi classics*
apeksha : change your dp :P
Me: pagal or wat .. 45 likes hai usko ;) :P
Me: abhi shayd woh round waale glares ka dp hi dallunga taken with my new DSLR :D
apeksha:DSLR kabhi le raha hai ??
Me: hai ek special day .. :P
apeksha : your bday :P
Me:hey u remember . meko laga you might had forgetton :P
apeksha: nopes yaar .. :)
Me: think ??
apeksha: what think ??
Me : If m making a short film .. will you act in it ?? :P
apeksha: naaiiiiiiiiii :P
meko sharam aatai :P
ahahahahaa
Me : bass kay dude :P (you will do like this na )
apeksha : mala sharam aatai ( i feel shy)
hahaha
i am bad at Marathi :P
Apeksha: aaj ghar pe koi nai hai :P :D(no ones at home today)
Me: hmm *fap fap fap* na seeing porn hmmmm :P :P
apeksha : lol mad o wat .. :P and it should be *slap slap slap*
(the conversation was going well enough , we spoke of HIMYM topics here and there ,giggled over the chat.then there was a pause for a while.By that time I had forgotten all the forceful un forceful theories of mine)
Me: u there ??
what else are you doing ??
apeksha : nothing re bored alone .. having a chat with my brother. He stays abroad. just a formal chat.
what are you doing ??
Me: nothing just having a conversation with you only :P
this riju is also your brother na ??*i wrote with bit of inquisitive in my mind*
( rijudas(riju) mutual friend between me and apeksha . He was very close to her , i guess.They both come to college together by train go together by train.Even a few people in the college did teased them both being love mates of each other . I didn't believed in that and thought this of a shit . But then somewhere close I did thought riju liked her and they both did made a good couple. In fact riju's call log everyday had apeksha's name. So there was a scope for suspicion.But then i did believed in apeksha much than other people,than riju)
apeksha: no noo ..
adi is my brother
itne saree bhai hai mere toh bahar bahi kyun banau :P ( there is no need of making brother else around when i have real ones with me)
apeksha : riju is just a good friend of mine re .. :)
Me: is he only your friend ?? * i asked in sarcasm*
apeksha: now you are also taking like the rest. :/ (the rest means the friend who linked her with riju)
Me: :/
apeksha :|
Me: i was kidding re baccha :P
apeksha : leave it yaar :/
(A bit of silence roamed in the chat box with continuous opening and closing of the chat window hoping the other person writes something . Just then )
Apeksha : nidhi desai online :P
( Nidhi desai was the girl for whom i had infatuation for a longer time when i newly came to this college .But then her guy seemed so over possessive, that i didn't felt much interest in her. In fact her appeal and over all emotional balance also seemed imperfect , when she was going through a bad phase in her love life.also apeksha knew that i didn't liked her , but then just a matter of fun and giggling around she did teased me at times in front of nidhi and when she was around)
Me: its her bf :/
Apeksha : so what .. you can still talk with her
Me: aree madoo uska bf ne login kiya hai frm her account :P (her bf had logged in through her account)
Apeksha: ohh okk .. those people are really mad :P
Me: I purposely ended our conversation while we were texting .
* i thought at least this time apeksha shall come to know, what i really felt for her .How enthusiastic i was when i messaged her .And her lowered interest in me made me feel really bad.But i dint think she might had got any notions or something of that sort)
Apeksha: ya i knw :|
Apeksha : Also I was chatting with Neel .
( Neel was another guy from our college who had deep crush on apeksha.and the whole gang of Neel's group rumored that apeksha and Neel had somethings cooking.But then apeksah had been very transparent with me about this topic and said there was nothing cooking as such.)
Me: I was about to ask you that .. but i then thought you might not be talking with Neel now .
Apeksha: What happened then , He's my freind .. :)
Me: Yaa but then its soo late night ..
Apeksha : so what .. if he's online we can talk a bit na ..
Me: okk
Apeksha : who said that we cannot have a talk with friend with late night ??
offline ?? *she thought i had been offline but then it was my internet error *
Me: I am online only .. fucking net .. yaa you can have a chat but m asking why ?? :P
Apeksha: there is no as such time specified wherein i can talk with my friends .. we can share things have a good chat if it makes us feel better :)
Me: waah kya baat hai .. *in agreement* :)
Apeksha : you making fun of me na :/
Me : nopes
Apeksha : teko samjha na what i m trying to tell ..
Me: sab samjha ...
Apeksha : or else you mistaking me .. :P
If there are any issues like that , then do tell me .. :)
Me: what mistaking .. be specific :P
Apeksha : mistaking means mistaking
No other word for it ..
Me: ok
Apeksha: what OK .. i asked you something .. :/
Me : when did you asked .. :P
Apeksha : OK leave it yaar ..
Me : Mistakes are always of a sacred nature . never try to correct them .On the contrary understand them thoroughly . after that it will be possible for you to sublimate them .
- Salvador dali ...
Apeksha: Is it some way quoted for me .. ??
* i really was not searching any quotes for her .but was really searching for Dali .And its an unending process.*
Me: was just surfing through some quotes of Dali .. :P ( stopped it there not taking it to a level further )
( A long pause therein again )
Me: jao soo jao .. ( go off to bed) :)
Apeksha : M taking with nikita :P
apni soch badlo :P (change your approach)
Me: You dont know people :P
Apeksha : means ?? I have that much sense of judging people .. :)
Me: :D :P i know re i was just kidding you .. its great fun to tease you purpose fully at times :P
Apeksha : lol .. you put me into tension re :P
bass re abhi :P
Me : you know I was not goin to have a talk with you from tommorow .. :P
Apeksha : why ??
Me: like that only ( a lame reply though and being totally kiddish )
( it was in fact the same question that was haunting me , being into a forceful conversation or adding someone to be closely acquainted with you forcefully)
Apeksha : pagal hai tu ( you are mad) :P
Me: The only difference between a madman and me is that I am not mad .
- Salvador Dali :P
Me : there is a reason , but i wont tell you . *the reason was same that's been haunting since long* .
Apeksha : tell me whats that ?? :P
Me : nopes :P
Apeksha :I was taking with other people late night , was that the reason ??
( how could I tell that , i liked her a lot .from the time we had been daily into conversations.somewhere at some point a speed breaker was consistently halting or stopping me.Was it the fear not being friends after the confession and getting a rejection ?Whatever the reason maybe but it was disturbing my static state of mind a lot.)
Me: no idea * i said and again rejected the truth behind*
Apeksha : no please tell me .. i dont like all this .. i wont feel bad even :)
Me: any time later .. for sure :)
for sure :)
Apeksha : then leave .. dont talk till then .. :/
Me: aree no now its the time to sleep naah so i was not telling you :P * i could not defend myself much better*
Apeksha : by telling me half way , i shall not be able to have a sleep :/
Me : :P
Apeksha : please let me know what you taking about ... :/ :(
( I logged out out my account. but then doing that would have added much more questions again in her mind and lot of misunderstandings.i could not stop myself but had to call her and tell her what the whole matter was in reality .Orelse it would had been tough for both of us living with this random questions.I guess even she had a few questions to ask for.I made a call to her .)
the call tune was ringing .. still ringing ..
''Hello'' .. i said with bit of stern in my vocals .Very confident speech.
''Hello .. why did you called me .. ??'' soo late that too !!
Her voice did had curiosity in it . I replied her that,'' listen can you meet me now .. ??''
''NOW ... ??'' she questioned .'' Do you have any idea whats the time right now .. ?''she added.
''Yeah i do its 1:45 .. and I even know what I am about to do ..''
''NOO ..'' was her instant reply by then ..
*I think she was kind of fearful ... as of considering me to be turned out into a madman raping her in the night*
I said,'' its urgent .please try to understand .''. with plead .
she sensed my voice and readily said, '' yes ''.But i can only meet you at my door step and then you have to walk by.
I said , ''aree I am not goin to rape you maam. i will be there with my scotty as fast as possible.''
''yea i know that ... sambhaleke chala pagal ..'' , she said with an affection.That was indeed what was possibly to be on my side, i guessed.
I with utmost silence got out from my house.There were no worries as my grandmother and I had only been living for that night.
I took the scooty as well as the keys of my home. Here place was just near the station and it took me just 4mins 20 secs to be there,Below her apartments.I climbed the stairs gathering all the courage as it was my very first attempt and that too so big indeed.
*Ting tong*
I rang the bell , a typical bell.
She opened the door ...
freak mujhe laga nai tha you would come in reality .. she said while opening the metal guard door.
So kya kehna tha .. what did you want to say ..
saliva gulping down my throat .holding my goti beard with the thumb as well as index finger . I said
ummm .. that umm repeated for 4-5 seconds
I LOVE YOU .. with a direct transition in my expression as well as vocal tone.
she said,
I am amazed , not that you confessed love to me but that you said me in this janam only.
I smiled . she winked.she seemed to be happy , i could see in her eyes.
But there was still a doubt the process had not been complete yet . Me saying I love you was not enough.
Indeed she too had to have similar approach towards me.
I said , Whats you reply apeksha .. ?? don't you love me .. ??
Spending seconds of time time . Leaning her face down a bit . Taking her hands over her hairs as she always had a habit to do so.
''NO'', she said.
My jaws of face directly touching the ground wide open.I was astonished by her reply.
I asked , ''why ?"
She said,'' I need some time to think upon .. Its easy for you guys to take the scooty late night .roam through the streets and come at the girls house when she is alone .And confess there love to them.I need some time to think upon>I just need some time. As she completed , she smiled.
Not mentioning any days neither mentioning weeks nor mentioning years i said , I gave you the time.
''I wont disappoint you '' , she said as i finished .
There was a long pause , we just kept looking at each others eyes without a blink . the silence was to be felt. And somewhere the song '' aakhon hi aankhon mein ishaara ho gaya"' was been played.In our minds, In our senses don't know exactly but we both could really feel the lyrics of it.I was completely paralyzed by her sight and so was she, the effect of song was adding more essence to it .
Just then she said ,
Can you kiss me .. ? With nothing more to speak about I leaned myself towards herself .She had completely surrendered herself by now.Our lips locked among themselves by then, like the lego blocks.I was numbed. It was indeed way better than having a couple of hookah puffs or drinks with friends.It was calm, serene .It lasted for around 25- 30 seconds.
As we took off our lips off, i just realized that i had experienced frist kiss of my life.And i had made no mistakes while doing so.Like a boss.Very special though.
I taking no further time waved by to apeksha.She smiled, she did told she wanted time to think upon.But then the kiss was the pre answer to it .I just strolled by my scotty.Opened the door in a much sensitive way as compared to the way I had left.came in my bedroom.Plugged in the headphone into my ears and listened all the love songs by that night.Love was in the air.
There was very less chances wherein apeksha would say no to me after thinking , i felt.But still if she felt I am not the right guy .i had conquered upon my beliefs. I would have the thing to rejoice for.the first kiss . That i had now kept no issues in my mind. There was a time , When i kept texting her u der ,, hey u der ol now .. ??when shall u be der ..? busy der ?? all were question marks and everything was into interrogation.But now i had surpassed all of it .I feel no regrets sharing a kiss with a girl , even though we were not into a relationship.
The thing that it taught me was , life had been all about get going.The more we think the more we get entangled.As of now all that forceful thing that kept me thinking was a sheer shit , a waste of time.
Also love is not just the gf-bf kind of thing . we can love our friends .have quality time spend. But then we got to remember there is only mono person whom we shall be spending our lives. People good at heart shall help each other. Its our decision that matters.
Also life is all about being in love many times. What if you don't get it now there's still some one better for you somewhere around, reading this shit, smiling a bit *ohh it rhymes* . All you need is to have a move on thing in you .Like a horse set in the wild fields.Rather than gluing towards cell and over fb seeking , u der ?
-prashant chavan
fiction.
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ReplyDeletehaha idar kya likha tha ... *the author has removed the comment* aisa dikh raha hai :P
Deletessly luved it !! <3 :) :)
ReplyDeletespecially - "But then we got to remember there is only mono person whom we shall be spending our lives!!"
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ReplyDeleteayee waah :D thnx a ton fr readin <3 :) :)
ReplyDelete